The other side of a mirror

Veda (name changed), a lovely lady in her early 30's was standing behind me waiting for coffee at our office cafeteria. That was the first time I met her. Both of us were the only ladies in the crowd and so we sat together for a cup of coffee! We both were new to the office. For no apparent reason we became lunch mates and later shopping buddies too :) Both of us were married, and both of us wouldn't talk about our families. For some reason, we never spoke about life after office hours. One day as I was completing my work and about to leave, my hubby called me to inform that he might be late and wouldn't be able to pick me up that day. With a light grim on my face, I started walking. It was then Veda called me. I looked back, and she asked me why I was still at office. I told her that am about to leave as hubby would be late. She offered me a lift if I could wait for 10 mins. I was more than happy to wait for 10 minutes than get into an auto and bargain for the extra amount later! I went near her desk and found that she had pics of all goddesses (only female deities) in that. I couldn't resist myself from asking her why she preferred all female deities :) She told me she believed only in Shakti power! Before I could further ask her any questions, she shut down her system and we were good to go.

That was the beginning of us getting to know each other well. She was a strong lady or rather I would call her bold and beautiful! She doesn't like people asking her too many questions about her personal beliefs or her life. She never did that too! But again, not all are Veda, including me! We all love to hear stories about others and would like to opine about them even if its unwarranted. In a casual chat with few other ladies in cafeteria, she raised a valid point, which not many would agree. Do not at any point of time, think of someone as someone else, that sucks! Each relationship has its place. A mom will always be a mom; you cannot compare anyone as your mom! Likewise, spouse, child, in-laws, friends everyone has a special place in our lives. It is when we mix it up, the real problem starts. How true, if I expect my mom-in law to be mom, I would never be happy. She has her own daughter. But if I accept her as a mom-in law, she would be just perfect! Accepting people for whom they are is the first step towards a strong relationship. If one tends to find flaws even for small things, the relationship breaks even before it begins! Talking to Veda was always a pleasure, she has immense knowledge on various things. One day as usual while having coffee with other ladies, the topic of raising kids came up. Both I and Veda suddenly turned silent while other ladies continued the conversation. Only then did we realize that both of us had same problem - both of us did not have kids then!  She was just like me, didn't want to have kids soon, and then later had some health issues, because of which couldn't have one! We were truly shocked to know that we faced same health issues and how we overcame them with the support of our spouses.

 Infertility is an issue that affects a vast majority of the young women in IT today. With little or no support system, and stressful work, health takes a back seat. All married couple love to have their own offspring at some point of time. It is best left to their choice on how and when to have! Generally, men do not get to answer this question. I always sympathize and empathize with women on this. When are you planning to have? Do you have any problem? Girls of your age group have already had two kids! Excuse me, if you are not going to be a support system, better stay away from these stupid questions. There are few who have genuine concerns on this issue, but how many are those? I remember vaguely, after the birth of my twins, I spoke to a relative wishing them on new year. The relative was not so happy that we had twins. Her son, who was of my age group was yet to have one. In a mild tone she told me there could be celebrations at your home, not here! How mean that was! New year brings in new hope, aspirations and lots of joy. Why would someone show all frustrations on that day to someone else! Have I ever shown my problem to you, why would I have to take that from you then, was my reaction!

We are like mirrors, someone smiles in front of us, we do that back. If someone shows their anger at us, we just do the same! But then each mirror has a different side- the side that is not revealed to others who stand in front of it.  Each day you might meet different people. Not all can be your friends for life. Not all would like to know about your details nor share their personal details with you!  Every mirror is fragile too, so instead of trying to find the other side of it, better we try not to break it! 

Bringing back the memories!

Whenever hubby dear goes to some new place alone or we go together, one thing that I keep stressing is buying something from that place. Souvenirs I understand means memories in French. I have always wondered during my school days as to why mom spends so much on buying souvenirs or mementos from the places we travel. Why doesn't she just get me something else ..like an extra  dress.. or some extra ice cream may be? My first remembrance of a souvenir is a Taj Mahal replica that we bought at Agra. Mom and Dad were so thrilled to open the gift box and show it to our family in Chennai. They spoke about all that the shop keeper had told them. It didn't matter to me about the material of the replica, the cost or anything at that time. All that mattered to me was my vacation was over and its back to school time! I wanted to tell my friends about the visit to Taj Mahal and nearby places in New Delhi. Like any other kid, I forgot about the trip very soon. But even today that replica stands tall at my Chennai home among other items in the shelf. That replica was a matter of pride for my parents, not many had visited Taj Mahal then. This replica has been my inspiration all along to collect souvenirs. Now coming back to souvenirs that we have collected so far, the simplest yet the most collected item is the fridge magnets. We have a huge collection that it was impossible for us to carry everything with us when we moved to US earlier this year. We just got few of them. These collections more than being a symbol of pride, brings us back the good times that we spent earlier. A Hawaii magnet reminds us the wonderful week spent at Maui, the Egyptian pyramid replica gives me a smile, makes me feel happy that I had in fact been to a wonder of the world! Buying souvenirs not just for us, but even for our dear ones is a way to show them that they are very much part of us , and we remember them all the time! I am looking at my shelf now and see there is enough space for few more to fit in there. On the lookout for a new vacation place and a souvenir shop there , hubby dear, where are u :)